Overreact much?

When I saw this meme the other day it immediately went into my saved folder. I wasn’t ready to expose myself yet, lol, but I thought someday, I may…

And I was saved by the bell!! You see, I’m part of a visibility challenge where we were asked to select pictures before knowing what our social media post prompts would be and this was one of them 😉

I got to thinking about what causes me to over-react. What seems to cause most people to “over-react”? Let me know if you agree with what I believe the main causes are.

1. Lack of feeling respected, heard, validated, cared for, etc
2. Lack of holding their own boundaries
3. Being triggered by a past event

Now, considering what I do, and the most recent course I attended about somatic psychology the idea of being triggered causing an over-reaction is worth exploring more deeply.

First, let’s first talk about trauma. I’ve had clients who have shared things like "I don’t have any trauma.” Or “I wasn’t abused and I have a decent life." And let me explain, an event that causes trauma, may not feel like an event that should warrant trauma, like war, death or an accident. But here is the recipe for trauma: too much, too fast, not even support or resources to handle it.

Everyone has experienced this at some point in their life.
And trauma is a trauma when the event is not categorized as a memory. The hippocampus misses the opportunity to time stamp it a store it away in our memory bank, so when anything even remotely similar to those feelings come up it is as if the “trauma” event is still occurring or is happening again.

And in this post, I’m not saying over-reacting is okay or should be given a pass, but here is my tip:

If you are an over-reactor too, maybe we explore if there is a theme to what causes us to over-react.

1. Can you strengthen your boundaries so when you find yourself in the same position again? 
2. Can you find more resources to prepare you for when if/it comes up next time? 
3. Is this an opportunity to communicate your needs, release some expectations, talk it out with the people you tend to over-react with and see what the game plan could be to start reducing the episodes or the intensity?

💖 Hope this is helpful. If you would like to share thoughts, PM and we can set up a time to chat or you are curious to explore working with me in my Emotional Freedom Program apply here: https://bit.ly/35PwOBT 

What came up while being triggered during the holidays? A "new" process - it’s nothing I haven’t heard before.

After recently moving to Florida this fall, not sure what the future of my relationship might be, 

my father asked if I would like to visit for Christmas.  He is going through treatment for bladder cancer, so I wanted to see him. 

Then all the feelz came up about my partner, too many to even describe and I told my dad that if I did come visit, I would really want to go back “home” and see my partner and his son too.  

I had to ask my mother to take care of my cats while I was gone.  This was dreadful, not because of her but because I felt so awful, like the f’ing nerve of me to ask for this.  If it wasn’t for her help, I wouldn’t have been able to come to Florida to begin with (and if you don’t know the story, I needed to take this time to work on myself and my business) She is making tremendous sacrifices to make this possible for me so I can’t even come close to explain how uncomfortable I was to share with her that I wanted to go back.  But I did and with love, support and a gentle voice of concern she agreed she would watch overs my cats while I was away.  

The morning of my flight, I arrive at the airport.  This was the first time in my life I packed days before a trip and got to the airport earlier than required.  I have never done this – EVER and never thought I would!  Thank goodness I did because I went to the wrong airport!  Yeah! Who does that?!  GAH!! ME!  Immediately, tears filled my eyes, I ask if I can make it to the other airport in time -  Everyone looked doubtful and replied with a reluctant maybe.  

I immediately called my mom for even more help to ask if she could please call the correct airport to let them know I am on my way and please do everything they could to make it possible for me to get on that flight.

Now, as I sweat worrying that I’m going to get pulled over for driving 90 miles an hour and miss my flight, thoughts of “maybe I’m not supposed to go” start flooding my system. “Maybe that was the universe putting its barricade up.”  And of course, I kept speeding, lol.

Not only do I make it to the other airport on time, boarding was delayed, so I got to sit and relax before hopping on the flight.  😁

Anyway, a few hours later I arrive back in Pennsylvania and run into trouble with getting my rental car (again, is this the universe?!? Finally, I get the rental and I started heading for home.  

I hadn’t given a lot of thought what it would be like when I got there, I was just excited to be going.  But I’ll say it was like nothing I expected. The only way I can describe it is: as if I had been dating a guy for a while, everything feels just right, things have been getting serious enough that I’ve met his son, and this is the first time I am coming to their home. Can you imagine that dynamic?  If I’m not explaining it well enough, let me say it was hallmark movie - perfect vibes.  

It was the most bazaar, giddy, comfortable, exciting, good feeling I have in that house for a very long time, maybe ever.  And we had been living there together since we bought it over 3 years ago.

My partner looked different, more so, he felt different - his energy was so settled, sweet, adoring and soft. I felt welcome and wanted 🥰  It was so much more than I expected, and this threw me for a major emotional loop.  The next day, I started getting emotional about everything. I am highly emotional, but this was extreme.  Something amazing would happen and I would start to cry because I would think how I was going to be leaving in a few days.  I would feel really safe and comfortable with him and I would start to cry because I would start worrying that it isn’t safe to let my guard down because I might get hurt, again.  It was an emotional roller coaster and too many boxes of tissues.

Then, there was a moment that I asked myself, why are you crying?  Is this about the past or the future?  

For goodness sake, Heather, be here. Be HERE, in the moment and just soak it in, enjoy it and let go of all the other shit.  

So, this is what I learned (re-learned) - A simple way to become more present and proactive if needed..

During any emotional or anxiety spiking moment, Ask:

1. What is causing uncomfortable feelings?  

2. Are you thinking about the past or worrying about the future?

   If the answer is yes to either - Come back to the moment, sink yourself into right now and savor it!

3. If the answer IS actually about the present moment because something is off, unfair, uncomfortable, ect. then ask, What can I do to change what is happening or what I think about what is happening so I can feel better?

Yep, It is that simple.  

Let me know how it works for you. ♡

MOVING THROUGH THE ICKINESS TO GET TO BLISS

Digging deep and going through the inner work may lead to feeling like this

But the first few weeks in, it may feel more like this

I give HUGE props to my clients who allow the process to unfold, for the path to get clearer and for not quitting when times feel tough.  Staying with the feelings when a crying spell begins (happy and sad), practicing self-love and releasing self-judgment when mini-explosions occur, dealing with what comes up when they are re-evaluating where they are vs. where they thought they’d be. These are all very challenging things to face. Yes, this deep work isn’t always roses and rainbows (It will get you there!) and I am so impressed with their openness and courage to stay the course.

I am also honored to be trusted to facilitate this work as they bravely commit and open themselves up to be vulnerable.

I have three clients that I have been working with for a few weeks now and as the observer, I can see dramatic differences in just about everything about them – their language, self-awareness, their physiology, and already pretty huge transformations.  I’m not sure they can see as much as I do since they are feeling so many feelz, but I can see how much has shifted within them already.  And I am so impressed that none of them have asked to back off, to take it easy or missed a session!

There can be instant gratification when we move through a few processes and we are able to discuss thoughts, awarenesss and immediate emotional release from them. But the real magic is seeing how the results continue to amplify and get built upon as time goes on - As the work subtly integrates other areas of life begins to shift stuff, sometimes without noticing for weeks, months, and possibly years.  

I know this has happened for me through my journey and still does.  I have experienced instant paradigm shifts and I have worked with coaches and mentors that I didn’t experience much at all…. At least not until a few years later and then HOLY MOLY did the transformation occur!  The seeds had been planted and since I continued to do inner work when the time was right and I guess when I was ready, transformations occurred. I’ve had a few new growth spurts which I attribute to a coaching program I attended over 5 years ago.

To say I am in awe of inner work is a radical understatement! I LOVE the gooey, icky, messiness of it all because I love to feel and witness the drastic shift – to see how liberated one can become when they stay the course.

For those of you have invested in coaching work with me in the past keep at it and you will continue reaping the rewards! If you are curious and interested to see how my work has transformed and how much more I have to offer you Set up a no-obligation call. During the call you can share what areas of your life you would like to see improve and we can determine what type of work will get you there.