Everything changed when I learned I could float

For the past few months, I have been very focused on surrendering. I’ve read books like, The Surrender Experiment and Outrageous Openness, and ALL of my coaches have been telling me it is what I need most - that I am doing enough, it is time to stop putting so much effort into everything and let go.

I get it logically, but to actually do it has been a real challenge. Even reading what I just wrote: “ I have been really focused on surrendering.” That doesn’t even make sense! (well maybe to my fellow perfectionist with slave driving inner critics)

Anyway, I’ve been feeling frustrated by not knowing how. I figure surrender shouldn’t be hard, but it hasn’t been coming easy, at all.

I even looked for a course on it or someone who could tell me the steps to take in order to surrender but no luck. That’s when I knew I was in trouble, lol.

But the other day something really big happened!

You see, I have heard a million times that we can float in water. But did you know that I never actually believed it? So much so that I never bothered trying. At least since I’ve been old enough to remember.

Anyway, now that I’m in Florida and I have a pool just a minute walk from my front door, I try to go swimming when I’m feeling disconnected or stressed.

And the other day after swimming a backstroke lap, I just stopped moving my arms and legs and HOLY SHIT…

I FLOATED! We CAN float, we DO float. People weren’t crazy, it is true.

WE FLOAT!

This may all seem silly, but it was responsible for a really big A-HA moment in regard to my recent struggle with surrender.

I questioned if the title of this entry “Everything changed when I learned I could float” could be a little exaggerated since it was only two weeks ago that it happened, but I am certain it will be a turning point because it is helping me see what surrender can feel like - Stillness, allowing yourself to be with no effort and being okay. Knowing that I am okay | safe | supported and I don’t have to do anything at all. Just Float. Just Surrender.

Today during my float, I thought, if the universe | God | or whatever you believe made our bodies so well equipped to allow us to float, maybe it is safe to assume that the same can go for our needs too. Maybe we only have to BE and our needs CAN be met. That may be pushing it a bit, but maybe not.

Since the profoundness of an epiphany can fade over time, this entry is to document it and to share it in case it is helpful for anyone like me.

So if you have a hard time:

• Trusting you will be okay

• Feeling supported

• Feeling safe

• Feeling free

• Feeling like you can let go of control

I highly recommend finding somewhere to float ♡

My plan is to float a few times a week to really feel the feeling and explore the concepts so I can embody surrendering more and more. What can you do to support surrender and letting go?

And then I related it to something else.

As I learn more about somatic experiencing and study different processes to help the body process or release the trauma energy is can store in our cells, it has made sense that floating and surrendering are not comfortable ideas. Memories and experience can keep us stuck or pull us back once we’ve moved forward so…
→ To trust? Yeah, right!
→ To let go and be vulnerable? No, thank you.
→ To have faith I will be supported? Pppsshh. Not setting myself up for that disappointment, again.

Letting go can be hard for those of us who have trauma energy, PTSD, anxiety, co-dependency.

And just like everything else, it is a practice to learn how to experience life differently.

One of the practices I weave into my work, somatic experiencing, talks about survival resources, and support resources. Survival resources are the behaviors that have been practiced to keep you safe or to avoid the bad thing from happening. When we really examine them they aren’t usually healthy thought they may have been helpful at a time. But if the threat is no longer present the resource is worth releasing.

Support resources are nourishing healthy behaviors or activities that can take their place and the best part is that you get to choose them. I have definitely decided floating is one of mine.

If you would like to learn more about how to replace unhealthy survival resources (often reactions) with supportive practices that feel good and usually produce a much more positive outcome

CLICK HERE to access my workbook to get clear and intentional about these resources.

This will only be free for a limited time because it is an element of a course I am creating. So you are getting a sneak peek at the rough draft.

Are these 11 things stopping you?

You are not alone if you have had trouble achieving your goals.  I know I have! 

In fact, there are so many reasons people fall short of reaching their goals.  

I'm going to share 11 of those reasons and also 4 steps to overcome them!

First, check out the results of this study...

One study by Statistic Brain, analyzing goals & new habits, conveys a very similar fact to an old Harvard Business School study: very few people achieve their goals. 

They claim that just 8% of people achieve their goals, with a resounded 92% that end up in failure.

The study, also claims:

● 45% of Americans usually make goals

● 17% of Americans infrequently make goals

● 38% of Americans never make goals

Another interesting measure about the study was about how far people actually got before they threw in that proverbial towel on their goal:

● 75% of people made it through their first week 

● 71% of people made it past two weeks

● 64% of people made it past one month

● 46% of people made it past six months

The math is almost unbelievable - it means 25% of people didn’t even make it through their first week of new goals. 

It seems crazy when you look at the numbers! 

Essentially this says that out of all these people, only 8% actually achieved their goals. 

If we’re talking about 300 million people in America, and if 62% of them either usually or infrequently set goals, only about 186 million people set some kind of goals.

The study suggests that of the 186 million people in America who are setting goals - 171.12 million are giving up!!   

This is the saddest and most validating data for those of us who have struggled with goals.  

If you have - you are not alone.  

Fortunately, we can do something about it!

I will share 4 simple tips to help you achieve your goals but first, let’s identify the potential problems. Because when we identify a problem we can address it more effectively. 

The top 11 challenges that may be stopping you from reaching your goals: 

1. Goals - too many or they are not clear or specific enough

2. Life - not enough time or too many distractions

3. Time - Not adjusting the current schedule with the time that is needed to work on the goal

4. Willingness - Not willing to sacrifice or compromise

5. Accountability - Not measuring or tracking progress

6. Habits - Afraid to get out of comfort zone (consciously or subconsciously)

7. Giving up - Expecting quick results and giving up when discouraged

8. Dis-empowered - Seeing external obstacles as permanent blocks 

9. Behavior - Not consistent enough

10. False reality - Waiting for motivation to occur on its own

11. Support - Not tapping into resources for self-improvement

Sadly, there are more, these are the more common that my clients have shared.

Which do you relate most with?  How have they impacted your life? 

Mine have been time, support and false reality

Now, I'll share 4 practical tips to help you achieve your goals.

1. Mark your calendar - instead of trying to achieve a goal by happenstance, block time in your calendar to do the things you need to do in order to reach the goal.  Otherwise, life gets in the way, distractions take priority, time flies by and life stays the same. Seriously, this may seem like a no brainer, but not many people actually do it.  They think they will fit the extra things in during their free time.  But if achieving the goal isn't made a priority, the goal is not likely to be achieved.

2. Explore resources and support available - Do you have charts, calendars or tracking systems that suit your personality and lifestyle? Do you know what motivates you when you are feeling doubt or uninspired? I struggled for so long until I discovered what worked best for ME.  You have to be honest and real and find what works for YOU!  This is probably the most crucial of all of the steps to not only reach your goal but to enjoy the process of reaching it.

3. Practice self-discipline - How do you become more self-disciplined?  You practice self-discipline.  Just like everything else, it can take practice to get good.  It seems some people are born with self-discipline while others struggle and the good news is that anyone can learn!  I'm living proof!

4. Explore your beliefs - They are responsible for EVERYTHING you are experiencing or not experiencing in your life.  Not everyone is as into belief work as I am, but I promise you, clearing your beliefs will launch you further down the path of achieving your goal.

So now you have these 4 great tools and if you are a super motivated, self-starter you can practice each of these and you will likely see big shifts!  

They may be simple but they are powerful! 
And maybe now, you are ready to take more committed action.  

And maybe you are also tired of spinning your wheels and you'd like support to ensure you reach your goals this time.

We've all heard the saying, "You won't get something new by doing the same thing you've done".

Have you thought of working with a coach?  A coach can offer you a supportive, objective perspective, with no judgment - just a true desire to help you tune in and find what works best for you.  They also have access to all sorts of tools to help you identify what will suit you best.

If you are ready to experience life differently, I'd love to support you.  

I believe there is so much more to goal achievement than what can be delivered via email.  

Aspects that are much deeper than the logical mind computes.  

So much more than just strategies and techniques.

If you are curious, let's set up a time to chat.

"I AM A FAILURE."

This is something I thought I had to come to terms with.

After years of failures, failed relationships, failed efforts in business, failing at managing my team, failing at being understood, failing at taking care of myself, failing at being happy, I thought I just needed to face the reality that:

I am a failure.

But don't worry, I'm okay. I have accepted reality a while ago. I want to share this reality in case the awareness awakens something good for you too. You see the reality is that:

Things I try fail.

Ideas I have fail.

Relationships I've been in have failed.

But I am not a failure.

Do I totally F stuff up? Yep!

Have a I tried things that have failed? MMhm.

Do I make mistakes? Pretty often, actually. Mostly small ones now-a-days, fortunately.

And I am not a failure.

There are even benefits to each time “I fail".

I actually get closer to who I am.

✓ I learn more about my skills or lack of.

✓ I learn about my commitment or lack of.

✓ I learn more about what I really want.

Because if after some idea or plan flops, if I want to find another way, I must be really passionate! I must really want this and I connect to myself on a deeper level.

If I have no interest in trying something different to reach the goal, I get to explore why:

Is it a bruised ego?

What need isn’t being met to keep me motivated?

What fear is coming up?

Or maybe I come to discover that I wasn't as into that goal or outcome as I originally thought.

And if that's the case, I’m probably better off that it "failed" before I was too invested.

So each time “I fail” I have an opportunity to get closer to my true self. And so do you.

Clearer and more aligned if we choose to.

And that is the biggest part - making the choice.

You can ask yourself “How do I choose to see this? Am I a failure? Or did something I tried failed?”

If this is something that you would like to bring into your experience, here is a suggestion…

Imagine how you would speak to a child who’s effort failed.

Would you call them a failure?

Would you try to keep their spirits up?

Would you let them to know it is normal for things not to go the way we hope sometimes?

What would you do to help them better prepare for next time?

Maybe you’d ask some questions to help them learn from it, like:

• Did you give it your all?

• How do you feel about that?

• What went right?

• What did you learn?

• Do you want to try again? Why?

• What will you do differently next time?

• How can I help?

Approaching yourself as you would a child, much gentler, compassionate and encouraging can change the way you see yourself after a failed effort. And then looking deep to see what else you can learn about yourself in the process and how to turn failure into self-discovery.

I hope you enjoy this perspective on being a failure vs. failing at things. And I want to thank you for all the ways you have put yourself out there, risking “failure”.