It is only REAL LOVE IF YOU HATE THE PERSON and still want to be with them.

What did you think when you read that headline?

Did you think it sounded crazy?

Did it feel a little familiar?

Here is the thing about beliefs, at least the ones I help uncover and the way that I work with them. They are not something we would want or EVER consciously decide. Most of the time there can be a twinge of embarrassment saying out loud in front of someone.

That is what happened for me when I uncovered I had the belief “It isn’t real love unless you can hate the person and still want to be with them.”

It made sense to find out I had this belief considering the tumultuous dynamic I had with my partner.

Our subconscious beliefs are everything! They are why we have, don’t have, what we feel, what we are missing, they are why our life is how it is, the good, bad, and the ugly.

Most of us are walking around with beliefs along the lines of:

• I’m not good enough

• Something bad might happen

• No one understands me

• I’m not lovable

• There is something wrong with me

• I can’t make it alone

And we wonder why we don’t get the promotion, we end up in unhealthy or unfulfilling relationships or we don’t ever let our guard down enough to feel what a deeply intimate relationship can feel like.

This saddens me more than anything in the world and is why helping people identify their beliefs and clear them is so important to me. I help people find the ugly and replace it with the good, beautiful, and empowering.

So where do beliefs come from?

They form out of our experiences and the conclusions we have come to because of those experiences. They come from our caregivers, our community, people we look up to, and even people we want no connection to.

They are not something we have decided to believe at least not our core ones. The majority of our beliefs are created before we are 10 years old and we keep layering them on top of them.

They are very valuable and used for survival. They are in place to keep us from being hurt or getting into something that we can’t handle.

For example, if in the past you were hurt by love, the subconscious may create a belief of “I am unlovable” to either prep you to be unloved or stop you from getting in a relationship in the first place, so you don’t get hurt and rejected again.

Do you see how powerful, yet ironic our subconscious beliefs are?

Now, I invite you to look back at the above list of beliefs.

Think about your life and experiences and ask yourself, “Which of those beliefs makes sense considering what I have experienced in my life ?” If I believed x, y or z about myself, the world or other people, would that create the patterns or behaviors I’ve had up until now?

Let yourself select a belief that you think you may have stored in your subconscious.

In case you need some more examples to relate to here are a few more negative beliefs:

• It is bad to be different

• I am a failure

• I’m not smart

• I’ll never succeed

• People aren’t safe

• The world isn’t safe

• Money is evil

• Their needs are more important than mine

And now, I invite you to start digging a little deeper.

• Considering the belief you chose to explore, can you see how having that belief has impacted your life?

• Can you see the choices you have made because that belief has run like a truth in your brain?

• Or the risks you have or haven’t taken because of the belief?

• Can you see how one or many of the beliefs have gotten you in trouble?

• Or what self-talk it has created? Eg. “You are so stupid, you can’t do anything right.”

• Can you see how it would lead you into certain circumstances or toward certain people?

In my personal example, “It is only real love if you hate the person and still want to be with them” attracted me to an unhealthy relationship with a lot of passionate energy, but not necessarily a healthy dynamic.

That belief contributed to a healthy dynamic feeling boring/basic and kept me in a painful cycle.

For someone else, we might use the example of “I’m not smart.” or “I’ll never succeed.” Would a person with this belief running under the surface really put themselves out there at their job or in their life?

Can you see how your beliefs can limit you?

How they can direct your actions a certain way or in a certain pattern?

Can you imagine how different life could be or would have been if you could remove the negative beliefs?

I am in awe of how life can change after uncovering core beliefs and replacing them with positive beliefs that compliment what you want to experience.

I’d love to help you identify a core belief so you can start to control the beliefs instead of the beliefs controlling you.

I would love to support you as we discover what it has created or kept you from in your life and take the steps to change it all.

Are you ready to see what life can be like when you are 100% in charge?

Grab your Discovery Call, today!

"I swore I wasn't going to let myself get upset again."

Does this sounds familiar? It did for me and so many of my clients.

One may think, taking a breath before responding will change the outcome of a troubling situation and while that breath can help A LOT. But there is only so much you change about how you react and relate to situations prior to getting your hands on really effective tools. Many of the popular tools don’t provide the permanent shifts within your psyche what actually change the foundation of where the reaction comes from in the first place.

This is where the real magic happens - transforming the internal issue that cause the reaction in the first place - Not changing the way we handle the external situation. We want to cure the issue, not try to put a band aid over it or medicate it.

So the next time you are feeling triggered, I invite you to dig deeper. Let yourself feel into that feeling. What does it feel like to be triggered by whatever it is that is upsetting you? Really let yourself feel what it feels like. You can experiences this in the body as sensation or maybe just a sort of knowing or awareness.

If you don’t feel much at first, you are not alone. It was a challenge for me when I was first introduced to this years ago, but I’m encouraging you - don’t give up if it doesn’t work right away, it is worth keeping at it.

And this is a feeling exercise, so try not to get too invested in the thoughts. Feeling can be challenging, especially for those of us who have traumatic backgrounds, the tendency is to shut off feelings, but life is so much more magical when we can learn how to feel again and to use those feelings to our advantage.

When you do tap into the way you feel when something upsets you, invite yourself to recall an earlier occurrence of that kind of feeling. You might do this by imagining yourself floating above a timeline of your life and you may float down to this earlier occurrence.

Observe the occurrence. Notice what is happening during this event or time in which you experienced similar feelings. Then, invite yourself back to an even earlier occurrence. Continue this process until you feel you have arrived at the earliest occurrence and then sit with this experience for a bit, feel what it feels like, notice what is happening during this event and ask yourself, what did this event lead me to believe about myself or about other people? What need was not met during this experience?

Likely, that wound is being re-exposed which is what causes triggering in current situations and in order to heal it permanently, other tools may be needed. Starting here allows you to gain clarity around these feelings and a deep understanding of why you react or get so upset. Then, we can move into the really deep transformational work. This might be something like Inner Child Rescue, Belief Reprogramming, or Voice Dialog.

Send me an email so I can share those next steps with you: info@hs-hp.com

Emotions only last 90 seconds.

An interesting fact is that the chemical process of an emotion only lasts 90 seconds.

Then, why is it that our feelings can feel like an eternity?

I talk a bit more about it here and some more below:

After 90 seconds are up, any additional or remaining response is the individual choosing (consciously or unconsciously) to stay in that loop. I say unconsciously because it may not be intentional and for some, something different isn’t within their wheelhouse or control just yet.

Does it baffle you as much as it does me why this isn’t the sort of thing we are taught in school?

Humans suffer so much from our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, relationships and all the stuff!

Often as we have a sad thought which creates the sad emotion, we follow it up with another sad thought, similar or maybe even the same one (hence me saying loop earlier, lol) Then, that leads to another and another and before we know it, it feels like we’ve been sad for hours, days, weeks or months.

What if that loop could be stopped?

This can be a challenging feat so I do not say it lightly.

For those who have not had the support or resources to learn otherwise, it feels near impossible to create space between the thoughts/beliefs, causing the emotion and reactions so the cycle just keeps repeating.

It’s awful - I’ve been there so I get it! But there are ways to create that space.

There are tools that can help ease the discomfort and lessen the duration. I’m not saying they are easy either, but they are available.

My hope here is to share this information with you to support your emotional health, enhance your self-awareness, and better equip your toolbox ♡

It is never too late to learn healthier ways to deal and it is always worth it!

If you are interested in learning more reach out: info@hs-hp.com