"I AM A FAILURE."

This is something I thought I had to come to terms with.

After years of failures, failed relationships, failed efforts in business, failing at managing my team, failing at being understood, failing at taking care of myself, failing at being happy, I thought I just needed to face the reality that:

I am a failure.

But don't worry, I'm okay. I have accepted reality a while ago. I want to share this reality in case the awareness awakens something good for you too. You see the reality is that:

Things I try fail.

Ideas I have fail.

Relationships I've been in have failed.

But I am not a failure.

Do I totally F stuff up? Yep!

Have a I tried things that have failed? MMhm.

Do I make mistakes? Pretty often, actually. Mostly small ones now-a-days, fortunately.

And I am not a failure.

There are even benefits to each time “I fail".

I actually get closer to who I am.

✓ I learn more about my skills or lack of.

✓ I learn about my commitment or lack of.

✓ I learn more about what I really want.

Because if after some idea or plan flops, if I want to find another way, I must be really passionate! I must really want this and I connect to myself on a deeper level.

If I have no interest in trying something different to reach the goal, I get to explore why:

Is it a bruised ego?

What need isn’t being met to keep me motivated?

What fear is coming up?

Or maybe I come to discover that I wasn't as into that goal or outcome as I originally thought.

And if that's the case, I’m probably better off that it "failed" before I was too invested.

So each time “I fail” I have an opportunity to get closer to my true self. And so do you.

Clearer and more aligned if we choose to.

And that is the biggest part - making the choice.

You can ask yourself “How do I choose to see this? Am I a failure? Or did something I tried failed?”

If this is something that you would like to bring into your experience, here is a suggestion…

Imagine how you would speak to a child who’s effort failed.

Would you call them a failure?

Would you try to keep their spirits up?

Would you let them to know it is normal for things not to go the way we hope sometimes?

What would you do to help them better prepare for next time?

Maybe you’d ask some questions to help them learn from it, like:

• Did you give it your all?

• How do you feel about that?

• What went right?

• What did you learn?

• Do you want to try again? Why?

• What will you do differently next time?

• How can I help?

Approaching yourself as you would a child, much gentler, compassionate and encouraging can change the way you see yourself after a failed effort. And then looking deep to see what else you can learn about yourself in the process and how to turn failure into self-discovery.

I hope you enjoy this perspective on being a failure vs. failing at things. And I want to thank you for all the ways you have put yourself out there, risking “failure”.

Not For The Faint At Heart.. Finding Your "Core Wound WHY"

I briefly mentioned this concept in my last entry about The History Of Your Why and now I invite you to dive deeper with me.

This process can bring ease to the effort and struggles of business and life responsibilities.

What I am sharing needs a humble host. It will not likely be effective for someone defensive, guarded, unwilling to be vulnerable, honest, and possibly feel embarrassed.

My process is to identify your core wound and see how your real “why” may be your subconscious’s attempt to heal that core wound.

Your “why” being what you use to keep you motivated toward your goals and achievements.
If using your “why” to help you reach your goals is new to you, reach out, I’d like to provide some resources.

Okay, back to this process. It may not be something you can do alone unless you are already really well versed in taking yourself through deep work, like inner child rescue or parts therapy.

Sometimes we need an objective perspective in our personal growth, especially for the really deep stuff, to help us see past ourselves and also to increase the vulnerability to make the process even more powerful.

But you can give it a shot and if it turns out you would like support, you know where to find me ♡

Why I love this is because when you uncover your “Core Wound Why”, you tap into a deeper motivation than you may have ever had before.

In fact, I have found that motivation is no longer an issue because things align so perfectly, it’s like all the moving parts are working in total harmony.

The inner critic quiets down, the procrastinating part doesn’t seem so stifling and the I’m not good enough part starts to see how you actually aren’t so terrible after all.

A very vague personal example: One of my core wounds is that I “should” have been protected from something that happened to me, and when I spoke out about it, I didn't feel that I was taken seriously, like I wasn’t protected. This scenario has repeated itself multiple times in my life and it has been paralyzing at times.

Fortunately, I have always been pretty self-aware so subconsciously I was always pretty close to the type of work or purpose that could help heal that core wound, but now that I have dug deeper, gotten really uncomfortably honest and vulnerable about it, it is even clearer, and now that I make all of my choices from this place it feels AMAZING.

You see, I have identified that my core wound that needs to heal is the need to be heard and listened to - my words respected.

And WOW what I do now IS my core wound’s medicine!

From my life’s experiences and my education, I have become a resource for individuals who are seeking support. Whether it is an individual who is coming to me because they struggle with anxiety or if it is an entrepreneur who wants more emotional wellness for their life or business.

They come to me, they listen, they more often than not, do what I suggest and their life changes in positive ways because of it.

Do you see how powerful this is? Powerful for me and for them. It is a win-win!

So to state it more directly - once you find your “self-serving why”, the “core wound healing why” the clarity is so incredibly empowering. It is the epitome of authenticity and speaking your truth which makes it the ultimate win.

This process is humbling. It is striping you raw and uncovering what may feel like the most unflattering truth, but once the work is done, it is so incredible liberating.

What can normally feel like selfishness, feels like your greatest gift to the world and you attract more and more of what you desire even more quickly than before.

I hope as condensed as this potential life-changing example is, that it makes sense how valuable identifying your core wound can be to living your purpose, healing those wounds, and being of service to the world.

We have all heard “You can’t pour from an empty cup” - it is sad how many still try - but this can be the beginning of changing that.

Healing your wounds, filling your cup and then pouring from it.

If you are curious to explore this, be gentle, be patient, be humble, and I know am here for you ♡

The History of Your Why

I saw a post from a therapist/coach I follow on social media where he talked about the history of your “Why” - the “why” to goals, business, the way we live, and choices we make.

This is often one of the first steps in goal setting - figuring out “why” you want to achieve certain things, in order to help you stay motivated or inspired to keep going even when the work gets tough.

Now, let’s think about the history of our “why”

When we are young our “why” for what we do is often to fit in, find our place, and or our people. Eg. Sports, activities, hobbies, interests, etc.

As we begin to mature, we see that we need to do things to begin to build our future. Eg. College, trade school, jobs, etc.

As we move into adulthood, our “why” is often more related to the experiences we desire. Eg. Where we want to live, what we like to have, our relationships /who we want to associate with.

And as we get older, often there is often an awareness that those things haven’t actually created the fulfillment that was intended. We realize that all of our efforts aren’t paying off as we hoped.

*Cue the Mid-life crisis!

This is why I like to offer the exploration of the deeper why...

In hopes to save the younger generation from needing two quit their job 25 years from now to finally do something they love or to help you along if you are coming to that awareness and you want more out of life.

Increasing your awareness of your “why” at its core can help every choice and action be more intentional, more informed.

A few simple questions that can be asked to help you get a little clearer about your why:

→ Is it really about the stuff you that want?

→ Is it really about the house or car or partner that you want?

→ Is it really about the job or the status?

I don’t believe your deep “why” has to do with any of those things…

It all comes down to the desired feelings.

But because it is about stuff so deep that it is at a subconscious level, sadly, many people spin their wheels for years.

And because hundreds/thousands of subconscious beliefs have been created about how you “should” be or how life “should” be influence us more than anything, it makes sense that it can be tricky to figure out.

The therapist/coach I mentioned said our attempts to find fulfillment are like putting all attention and effort into something only to find it leads you down a cul-de-sac.

I thought that was brilliant!

This idea felt aligned with my interest to increase awareness of the emotional craving that your “why” is intended to satiate so we can reach the destination we desire.

To get even grittier, my newest concept is about discovering the core wounds that yearn to be healed. THIS is my most recent discovery for self-awareness and goal achievement… I’ll talk about that in my next entry.

Anyway, over the past two decades, I found myself stuck at the end of so many cul-de-sacs chasing after goals and feeling unfulfilled but thankfully there have been many mentors’ and teachers.

There have been times when my mentors lessons made sense to my logical mind but they were too big for me to fully embody at that time, some blossom right away and some have been being nurtured for the past ten years and are just blossoming now.

My vision boards used to be full of pictures of Bali, Audi’s, and stacks of money.

My life doesn’t look exactly like that, YET, but also isn’t all that far off.

More importantly, it feels just as incredible as the vision boards - that is what really matters.

Also, it feel like the speed in which I am manifesting the life from my vision boards is increasing and it feels easier 😄

I share all of this to help inspire you to uncover your real, deep, core “why”.

And from all that I have learned I am able to help - I would love to explore this with you.

This is one of the most valuable gifts you can give to yourself, your family, loved ones, and the world as a whole.

The ripple effect is immeasurable 🌎