What To Do With "I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH [Part 1]

A little introduction. This is about our subconscious mind and beliefs, and I’m going to work with the belief of I'm not good enough.

Have you ever had that feeling or that thought of not being good enough? 

Probably. And you're not alone. 

Most of us have had that at some point or periods or duration throughout our life. The best part about it is it doesn't have to be that way. So we can uncover these thoughts, these feelings, these things that are creating our experience in life, and we can actually change them.

That's what I'm here to share with you today. First, I'm Heather Dempsey. I am a coach that specializes in trauma, anxiety, depression, phobias, and I am helping individuals with these things - their emotional wellness by addressing beliefs are parts and inner child rescue.

What does this work do?

In my opinion, it moves us away from discomfort, unhealthy patterns, unhealthy relationships, and even things like stopping us from playing small.

It brings you back to the purest version of you before you were conditioned or traumatized into the mold society and the people around you have wanted you in.

It helps to move us away from sabotaging behaviors. It helps us move away from feeling like crap. From being unhappy, and helps move us into places of confidence of connection.

Places of mindfulness or just being present. It moves us into the ability to be able to respond instead of reacting to situations.

This work allows us to reduce triggers, especially for those of us that have experienced trauma, that have some challenges with anxiety and depression.

It really helps to empower to move away from those disempowered feelings. 

Why is this work so valuable?
Because it's it's the quickest route and path to success and success - whatever that means for you. That might mean success in your relationship, in your business, in your life, in a way that you feel about yourself.

It's been the most profound body of work that I've ever experienced and, a transformation that can happen in just about an instant, and then sometimes that transformation continues to occur over time.

What are beliefs?
There's a lot of language out there that talks about our mindset, shifting our mindset, getting our mindset right on beliefs. And so beliefs are basically the conclusion that we've come to based on an experience we've had in our life.

It might be a conclusion we've come to about ourselves.
It might be a conclusion we've come to about people.
It might be the conclusion we've come to about the world, and so this conclusion that we've come to is based on the way we feel in a certain experience.

The conclusion that we draw from an experience become our beliefs.

They're not something we consciously decided. Most of our beliefs are running under the surface and we're not even aware yet they are the foundation of who you are, how you behave, your choices, your patterns, etc. 

What's crazy is that our beliefs and there are tons of different studies - they vary, saying our beliefs are created between ages six and 10. If we average that out to say - 8.

I love to invite you to consider this... If you're making a decision about your career, who you might marry, who you might decide to, commit yourself to, where you might live.

Would you ask an eight-year-old to make that decision? Would you trust their experience and view of the world are accurate enough to make that decision for you?

Essentially, that's what we're doing. So it's pretty crazy to think that most of what we choose is based on things that we've concluded or been indoctrinated into by the time we were eight years old.

Pretty profound to think about that. And at eight, the language that we use to express ourselves is very different than the language would use at your current age.

Some of these beliefs were created before there was even language. They were more visceral feelings, so there isn't a way to articulate them. 

There are a lot of practices about changing our beliefs and shifting our mindset a lot of that is still using logic.

A lot of the practices out there identify the beliefs that you have and then invite you to convince yourself of the opposite or something different.

And while that is helpful and useful, there are even deeper, richer practices. So I want to walk you through one of these processes that are going to help to explore beliefs where they came from and how they actually serve you.

So that's another interesting thing, they're a negative or disempowering belief but there is a way that they serve you very, very well. And so when we can identify that some of the hostility towards them can be released, and then we can see how we can take the information that we're given and actually use it to our advantage, so to allow us to move through the smooth and I can use the same language of the whole thing, I selected the belief that will work within its that "I'm not good enough".

We have hundreds upon thousands of beliefs but this is a really, really common one.

Next Monday, I will post the next segment to guide you through this life-changing process. If you can’t wait, reach out and I will send it over to you.

♡Heather

Death Teaches Us...

Death teaches us all we need to know about living and many of us are too busy and self-centered to listen.

First, I am sorry for any loss that you have experienced in your life.

I hope you have/had support and that you found or are finding your way through grief.

Grieving isn’t a straight line and there aren’t set steps to take in a specific order, but it is certainly a process and certain things can make the process feel more “complete”.

I hope memories are more sweet than painful and you can experience them with love and gratitude.

For a long time as much as I wanted to understand what someone was going through when they lost a loved one I can say that I really didn’t get it, until now.

My heart ached and I cried for/with them, I wanted to hug them and take the sad away, but I couldn’t and I couldn’t relate enough to really know what to do.

Like, how I avoided talking about my brother with my parents after he passed. I would avoid talking about him for fear of making them sad. And I think I let myself feel so sad for my parents that I rarely thought about how sad I was. Maybe it was my way of avoiding grieving him.

And only now, I understand, avoiding talking about my brother wasn’t stopping my parents from being sad. They were already sad AND I wasn’t giving them a chance to talk about it or to talk about him.

Just like my dad is now in mine, I’m sure my brother has been in their thoughts EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I lost my father last month and now I have a more intimate understanding of what it has been like for all those who have lost before me.

I remember after an employee of mine lost her mother she said how there were days that she just wanted to walk up to people to tell them that her mom died. She just wanted people to know. I totally get it, now.

The week that my dad died, I wanted to go to our local dinner spots, to have our favorites, and to tell the people who worked there that he passed. I think I wanted company, compassion but more importantly, I wanted to hear people express what a great guy he was. I wanted to hear that other people would notice he was gone. I wanted to know that his life made a difference in this world and that he mattered.

All the stupid shit that we think matters: the bills, the things, the jobs, the arguments won or the arguments lost - That isn’t the stuff that matters at all, is it? That stupid shit takes us away from everything that DOES matter though.

What do I think really matters?

Connection: Connect to things outside of yourself. Connect to kindness, connect to nature, connect to animals, connect to all the things in the world that you can, and know that we are all connected.

Enjoying Living (every part of it): Getting out of your own way. Stop trying to “figure it out” with your ego. Savoring the experiences life offers you, enjoy the moments in between the "important” moments. Enjoying the whole journey.

Making An Impact: Being present. As we are ALL in this together, when you set your intention to contribute in the form of thoughts, words, and actions. Laying under the stars, realizing how small we are and how big we are at the same time, and then doing something about it.

I had a big awareness while I was sitting by my father’s side, a few days before he passed. I realized all of my opinions, my human self-centeredness, my pre-occupation with the stressful stuff about life, were actually blocks to how much love I was able to give (and in turn able to receive and experience for myself). While I was so busy being “right” about things, it took my attention away from being present.

It breaks my heart to think of all of the moments I have lost because I wasn’t present and I was too busy in my own head, my own world, to love him fully, patiently, and compassionately.

For that, I have so much remorse -

I’ve almost gone through half a box of tissues while writing this.

I was so wrapped up in the stupid shit that means absolutely NOTHING in the big picture that my father didn’t get all the love I wish I had shared with him. And I have to live with that.

All I can do now is to be sure that when I am unfortunately in the same position, losing someone else I care so deeply about, that I won’t have the same kinds of regrets. That I will continue to work on being present and compassionate.

I share this because my biggest wish and my intention of sharing all of this with you is to invite you to pause and reflect on if you feel you would have these same types of regrets I am dealing with if you lost someone close to you. If so, now you can reprioritize things while you still have the chance.

With the tools I have acquired over the years and now my first-hand experience, I am here to offer support. Let me know what kind you could use. I’d love to help enhance your experience in this life.

♡Heather

If you are a control addict, like my client and I...

I have a client who has been doing some really awesome work and it is paying off!

We're both Libras and we've noticed we share common traits associated with Libra and the scales of justice - there is a strong desire/need for things to need to be fair and balanced.

So when something doesn't feel fair for her. That's usually when she gets triggered, wants to exert control, and has a hard time accepting things just as they are.

Yet there is another side of her since we have been working together. She is now able to find ample proof that most often things work out in her favor.

It seems like whenever there's a jam, there's a solution that presents itself, or she creates a solution. So as her sense of security and trust increase she would like to become even more relaxed, release the need to control, and just go with the flow - trusting all things will always work themselves out.

I could relate to so much of what she shared and it was something I put my focus on for myself over the past year with impressive success (even as I am grieving the loss of my father and dealing with squatters who have taken residence in his house)!

I have desired to figure out how to embody the concept of surrender. It seems crazy that this is something to be learned and doesn’t just come naturally but either way. My client’s desire was similar to mine - to have faith that the Universe has my back and is helping me to succeed. So, I shared some of the methods I had adopted to support me and we personalized it for her.

We decided to start with something really simple - breath and mantra.

Part of a session was spent exploring what her desired feeling/s is, when or how she experienced the feeling in the past and to what degree does she believe her desire is actually possible.

From there it gave us the foundation to created a few mantra/affirmation statements that felt both uplifting and honest.

"Even though I don't have control, I know the universe always creates for me." and "Even though I can't control the situation, the universe has my back, always looks out for me, and provides me with what exactly I need."

These statements can be used in a few ways, as:

• Morning mantras to set the foundation for the day.

• Afternoon affirmations to keep her on track or

• Evening check-in to review her experiences through the day to find aspects of the day when the mantra is, in fact, a true statement that she can find proof of.

She also began to use them when she felt triggered. She would recite the statements while keeping a steady breath (6 seconds inhale, hold for a second 8-12 seconds exhale)

Some of the shorter support statements we talked about were:

"The universe is protecting me."

"I don't need to control everything."

"I can surrender and trust the universe knows what it is doing and has my best interest."

"The universe is always looking out for me, it's doing what's best for me."

Using affirmations help to activate the subconscious mind to look for examples of the statement being a fact. It is a built-in fact-checker and this can work to your advantage when you take advantage of it! It starts to show you proof and attract experiences that prove it as well.

Using affirmations also helps you become a vibrational match to the statement which attracts more of that thing into your life. We attract what we are. Like attracts like.

It has been a few weeks and so far she said is that these affirmation style mantras have helped her to slow down and calm down a ton!

She said she uses them as a 911 rescue when she gets really anxious and they help her stop panicking, she feels more grounded and safe. Even her partner noticed a shift in her behavior. And she even feels more at peace when things don't go the way she expected. Now, she is planning on putting her attention on trusting that something better is in store when things don't go as she anticipated.

I share this in case the simple process can help you as much as it has helped both of us so far. If you find yourself getting triggered, needing to be in control is there a statement or a mantra that could help you what you surrender and let go of control?