What To Do With "I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH [Continued PT. 2]

This is the continuation of last week’s blog. You can watch the whole video or read it here to catch up.

I suggest to grab a piece of paper or something that you could take notes on, for what we will do in a few moments. It will be helpful because you might get some pretty valuable information that you may want to dig into later.

I would encourage you to turn notifications off. Don't get distracted because this is work where we're trying to get out of our heads and keeping brought back into it by distractions.

You won't get as deep into the process, so inviting you to just settle in. To get comfortable and, allow yourself to be here through this, so just the "I'm not good enough".

Belief can already start to evoke sabotaging behaviors, which could be resistance. That would be the kind of symptom of the belief "I'm not good enough" would be sabotage, which would be resistance, distractions, maybe even irritation to something that I might be sharing, or quickness to dismiss what I'm sharing.

So allow yourself to get comfortable. Allow yourself to just be here. Whatever means you're experiencing. Journal about all that, because that's something we can dig into deeper as well.

So what I'm going to be doing with you today is actually introducing you to a part. So parts are sub-personalities within ourselves or fragmented parts of ourselves. As we go through experiences when something is traumatizing or has a strong impact, there could be this little fragment of us that comes off to almost have a certain characteristic or a job.

To help protect you. To keep you better informed. To keep you better prepared. To help you avoid a similar situation in the future. So “Parts” is one of my favorite ways to explore and transform our beliefs.

It's really, really fun. It's way more fun when I get to facilitate it live because we actually have a conversation.

But this is still going to be super awesome and helpful. So we're connecting with that part of you that feels like you're not good enough. There is a part of you that feels like that. So this process is inviting that sub-personality out to communicate.

Parts are another form of a belief. They are a creation that's been brought from an experience. So this is a safe space. You will get out of it as much as you put into it.

There's already a part of this that exists within you. This does exist within you. So even if there comes a time where it feels uncomfortable, this already exists, you could just stop the process, come back to it another time.

Are you ready? If so, you can go to 7min. 15second on the video to be guided through the process.

Close your eyes. If you feel comfortable with that, you can open them any time that you like. Close your eyes.

Let yourself just breathe for a few moments, just noticing your breath so that you can release all the external distractions. And as you have eyes close as you're allowing yourself to feel your breath, start to feel your body.

Start to feel where it is that you're seated. If you're lying down standing just noticing points of contact to the earth or the object that you're resting on and taking a deep breath in and exhale, just release anything that might be getting in the way for you to do your deepest work today, just letting it all go and let yourself see sense, or just know that everything is perfect right now.

That's exactly how it's to be. I want to take you through a visualization exercise. We're going to arrive at a quaint little cafe. So again, if you don't see it in your visualization, that's fine.

Just allow yourself to notice what you know or what you sense what you feel. That's all a type of "visualization". It's just not the actual scene, a sensing knowing feeling.

So approaching this little cafe, you're not exactly sure why you're there. You just feel really compelled to be there. So maybe it's starting to appear where you have a sense of it.

As you walk into the cafe. There's no one there except you notice one person, the farthest corner. Then you're really drawn to sit with them, you start to approach.

You aren't sure why. You just know you need to sit with them, and when you arrive, you recognize them. They recognize you too, and still not quite sure, but you decide to sit down with them and as you sit you just feel this sense of connection to them, this knowing and knowing that this is a part of you.

This is the part of you that actually thinks that you aren't good enough. And now I want to explain - this part isn't an enemy, it isn't someone that has it out to get you. It's just simply a part of you that has this belief that you're not good enough.

This part of you was created to serve you in some way in your life. This part may or may not know this, but this is what we're going to uncover today. So let yourself be comfortable, maybe order some coffee or tea or a glass of wine for yourself and really sink in.

And when you feel ready to start to address this part of you sitting across from you, notice what your sense what you see, what you hear, what information you gather, and just ask it. When did you become a part of my life? What was happening?

When did you become a part of it and feel free to take notes? If you have anything that really comes out, that's curious. So asking a little more detail, what was happening?

Maybe it doesn't remember the exacts. Maybe it just remembers a scene. Another person that was involved, the way that you felt. So just asking for some detail.

And if for any reason this part isn't communicating with you, that's actually completely fine as well. This is your first time meeting and maybe they're not ready.

To really share. The introduction is really valuable beginning step, so just sit with them. If that's where it is, it's okay.

If they're open and willing to share with you - fantastic, we'll go ahead and ask its and more questions. Ask what it's been protecting you from or trying to protect you from and see what it shares with you.

Maybe even asking in a different way of how have you been trying to help? I wish I could be hearing your conversation with your part. It's also very interesting.

So much wisdom. These conversations we can have and so asking the part. What is it that you want for me? What is its desire for you and your life and experiences that it wants you to have? And uncovering so much of this information, when it arrived in your life, what was happening in your life that it was created.

This part fragmented off and was created. That in itself could be pretty profound. What you've uncovered and why it was created, what was happening in your life. And so maybe it was something significant.

Maybe it's something that you have forgotten about. Maybe it could be one of the core wounds that you have identified in your life. And so maybe asking in that way, how do you see yourself helping?

Or trying to help heal my core wound? Or protect me from being wounded again. These parts, although it could seem odd that this part thinks you're not good enough.

It's doing it for a reason. That feeling is there for a reason. It's trying to protect you from something, and you want to figure out what it's trying to protect you from.

Ask this part now. What special skill does it see that it has - so every part of us is created for a purpose and it has a special skill. So this part that believes you're not good enough could be a very insightful judge of character.

It could be the assessor of situations. It could be a protector. It could be in an inner critic. It could have all these different skills, so try to see and ask it. What is it? Special skill or what skill set does it know about itself?

As you are identifying. Or it is identifying its skillset, asking it also do you think that what you've done in my life is successful so far? Don't be surprised. Very often, they do think that what they're doing is very successful because they know their skill set and they're probably working their ass off to do the best job they can. They may be able to see that what they're doing isn't working for you.

Isn't serving your higher self? And this is where sometimes you'll notice apart starts to get really confused. They almost feel guilty, like I'm doing the best I can. And it's not working.

Ironic since we're talking about, I'm not good enough. Often the part can feel that way as well. So getting to know this part of does it think what it's doing is working for you and awesome if it says no, I don't think it is, then we have the most cooperative part that exists.

If it says, yeah, I think this is working, then we can have a little bit deeper of a dialogue of "well, here's how it isn't working", and this is where you get to start to interject it like I see what you're trying to do for me.

I appreciate it. I actually see that you're very skilled at your job, but here's how it isn't working for me. This is what you're doing is actually the repercussions of that is x, y and z so begin to have that dialogue now off. You understand its intention and how it actually isn't working forward.

So just really open conversation, open communication, and maybe take notes of anything that feels relevant. To check into later. You know, we've gone through this a little fast, but especially for a first time, sometimes it's easier to go through it quicker rather than leaving so much space for the conversation.

You can always check back into this and pause it and take longer if you like, but next, take into consideration part skill set and start to communicate how you would prefer it to support so often I'll reference this as if we think of office and our coworkers.

We wouldn't just go in until bob, who's the king of analytics to start doing something else, right? We would want to keep it within his skill set.

So start to communicate what you see, this part skill set to be able to provide for you how you would prefer to support you. So maybe that's part of you that believes you're not good enough is such a valuable part because it has really high standards.

And it allows you to be proactive in your personal development and business development and growth. It keeps you raising your standards. It keeps you challenging yourself really, really valuable, person to have on your side or part to have on your side. So we can take the thing that felt negative and spin it into something that's so fantastic and sharing that with a part.

You get to rework its role. I would love to know. I wish I could be talking with you guys! I would love to know what is coming up, what information are you getting?

How collaborative does this conversation feel again? If it doesn't at first, it's okay. This is the first introduction and you have tons of parts. So we could do this with all the different ones in there.

Totally different dynamics amongst them all. So the next really important thing, right? In all, communication in all, compromising all relationships. We need to know that we're understood.

We understand. And how do we plan on moving forward? And so you wanna ask this part? You're asking it to change its role a little bit, right? You wanna keep its skillset, change its role.

It's hard for people to shift their dynamics. It's hard for people to change their habits and routines, and it's no different for parts. So ask, it doesn't need anything from you to support it and changing its role.

Is there anything that it needs? Maybe, just maybe giving it suggestions of what would it look like if it was supporting you the way that you wanted, maybe giving it away to communicate with you. If it gets stuck, it's likely to get stuck next time you're in a situation that it was created for, right? It's ideal. Role. Likely it's gonna get triggered also and want to go back into its old patterns and behaviors because that's what it knows best.

So how can you support it when it is challenged by switching its dynamic? Does it need to have a daily check-in where you just check in with the part and say, how are things going?

How is this working for you? Here's how it's working for me. I love what you're doing with this skill set. I love how you're changing the way you speak to me.

I love that. Instead of saying I'm not good enough, you're telling me in the ways I am fantastic. You're telling me how I can raise my standards without it feeling degrading or demeaning.

Right? So giving it this positive reinforcement another beautiful question you can ask this part is how can you truly help me really deeply help me embody my soul's purpose. It just wants the best for you. It wants you to be every single way characteristic and trait that you can that would serve you.

It's just only known how to work with the tools it's had, but if you ask it, how can you help me? Truly embody my soul's purpose.

You may be surprised at how truly wise it is. And so, as I mentioned with any relationship, communication is key, and this is now a start of communication, maybe with a part of you that you haven't spoken with yet.

Maybe it went smoothly. Maybe it was fantastic. Maybe it felt a little rocky and awkward, and you can always check back in with it. You can also give this part a sign, a way to tell you when it needs to talk with you.

Maybe it's a certain way that you might have an itch on your skin. Or you might notice that you're rubbing an ear lobe or fingers rubbed together, and all of the sudden it's like, oh, that part is a calling for you.

So give it some way that it can check-in, so that if it can feel compelled to go back to its normal behavior, it can at least check in with you first so you can help support it, support each other.

So now thanking it for having this conversation with you today, it could have possibly been awkward at first for it to even share all this, it's opening itself up to be criticized and told its job.

You know, it isn't doing its job well, so it's really a nice thing to express the gratitude that it was willing to be open, honest with you.

And even if it wasn't just being thankful that this is a start and it can continue from here. So allowing yourself to either be there with that part still at the table, you can choose how you end this adventure. You could get up and leave the cafe.

You could actually invite this part back into you. You can imagine that you're drawing into your body, merging together.

So choose whichever way that you would like to begin to end the process and then just allowing yourself to start to bring your attention to your breath, starting to expand your awareness. Noticed your body.

You know the contact points of whatever either sitting on what you're standing on lying on. Just start to let your attention come back into the present time here and now... And I would love to hear about your experience. What information you may have gotten.

What surprised you?

Is there anything that you didn't expect?

Did it feel easy?

Was it challenging?

Did your part want to communicate?

Is there any type of language, barrier, or understanding?

Do you and your part see your worlds completely different or you're on the same page?

It's very interesting work, isn’t it? This is just one aspect of the belief-work that I love to facilitate with my clients. And I love to be facilitated through - oh gosh, so incredible!

If this is your first time being introduced to it and it wasn't like this profound paradigm shift, no worries, it could take some practice even to get into this imaginable realm and speaking with sub-personalities and parts.

But if you have any questions, I would absolutely love to answer them for you. My free gift for you is, a course, that goes deeper into subconscious beliefs.

It introduces you to three different levels of belief clearing processes - and a few modalities in each. You’ll learn a lot about subconscious beliefs, what they are, where they came from and information from different studies.

I would love to have you join me there.

Any questions... Please don't hesitate to pm me - I'd be delighted to have a conversation with you.

I'm really grateful to have the opportunity to share this work with you. It has been the most impactful thing of my life on I just look for any opportunity that I can to introduce it to others so they can experience the same impact.

It's pretty amazing And look forward to continuing the conversation with you!

What To Do With "I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH [Part 1]

A little introduction. This is about our subconscious mind and beliefs, and I’m going to work with the belief of I'm not good enough.

Have you ever had that feeling or that thought of not being good enough? 

Probably. And you're not alone. 

Most of us have had that at some point or periods or duration throughout our life. The best part about it is it doesn't have to be that way. So we can uncover these thoughts, these feelings, these things that are creating our experience in life, and we can actually change them.

That's what I'm here to share with you today. First, I'm Heather Dempsey. I am a coach that specializes in trauma, anxiety, depression, phobias, and I am helping individuals with these things - their emotional wellness by addressing beliefs are parts and inner child rescue.

What does this work do?

In my opinion, it moves us away from discomfort, unhealthy patterns, unhealthy relationships, and even things like stopping us from playing small.

It brings you back to the purest version of you before you were conditioned or traumatized into the mold society and the people around you have wanted you in.

It helps to move us away from sabotaging behaviors. It helps us move away from feeling like crap. From being unhappy, and helps move us into places of confidence of connection.

Places of mindfulness or just being present. It moves us into the ability to be able to respond instead of reacting to situations.

This work allows us to reduce triggers, especially for those of us that have experienced trauma, that have some challenges with anxiety and depression.

It really helps to empower to move away from those disempowered feelings. 

Why is this work so valuable?
Because it's it's the quickest route and path to success and success - whatever that means for you. That might mean success in your relationship, in your business, in your life, in a way that you feel about yourself.

It's been the most profound body of work that I've ever experienced and, a transformation that can happen in just about an instant, and then sometimes that transformation continues to occur over time.

What are beliefs?
There's a lot of language out there that talks about our mindset, shifting our mindset, getting our mindset right on beliefs. And so beliefs are basically the conclusion that we've come to based on an experience we've had in our life.

It might be a conclusion we've come to about ourselves.
It might be a conclusion we've come to about people.
It might be the conclusion we've come to about the world, and so this conclusion that we've come to is based on the way we feel in a certain experience.

The conclusion that we draw from an experience become our beliefs.

They're not something we consciously decided. Most of our beliefs are running under the surface and we're not even aware yet they are the foundation of who you are, how you behave, your choices, your patterns, etc. 

What's crazy is that our beliefs and there are tons of different studies - they vary, saying our beliefs are created between ages six and 10. If we average that out to say - 8.

I love to invite you to consider this... If you're making a decision about your career, who you might marry, who you might decide to, commit yourself to, where you might live.

Would you ask an eight-year-old to make that decision? Would you trust their experience and view of the world are accurate enough to make that decision for you?

Essentially, that's what we're doing. So it's pretty crazy to think that most of what we choose is based on things that we've concluded or been indoctrinated into by the time we were eight years old.

Pretty profound to think about that. And at eight, the language that we use to express ourselves is very different than the language would use at your current age.

Some of these beliefs were created before there was even language. They were more visceral feelings, so there isn't a way to articulate them. 

There are a lot of practices about changing our beliefs and shifting our mindset a lot of that is still using logic.

A lot of the practices out there identify the beliefs that you have and then invite you to convince yourself of the opposite or something different.

And while that is helpful and useful, there are even deeper, richer practices. So I want to walk you through one of these processes that are going to help to explore beliefs where they came from and how they actually serve you.

So that's another interesting thing, they're a negative or disempowering belief but there is a way that they serve you very, very well. And so when we can identify that some of the hostility towards them can be released, and then we can see how we can take the information that we're given and actually use it to our advantage, so to allow us to move through the smooth and I can use the same language of the whole thing, I selected the belief that will work within its that "I'm not good enough".

We have hundreds upon thousands of beliefs but this is a really, really common one.

Next Monday, I will post the next segment to guide you through this life-changing process. If you can’t wait, reach out and I will send it over to you.

♡Heather

Death Teaches Us...

Death teaches us all we need to know about living and many of us are too busy and self-centered to listen.

First, I am sorry for any loss that you have experienced in your life.

I hope you have/had support and that you found or are finding your way through grief.

Grieving isn’t a straight line and there aren’t set steps to take in a specific order, but it is certainly a process and certain things can make the process feel more “complete”.

I hope memories are more sweet than painful and you can experience them with love and gratitude.

For a long time as much as I wanted to understand what someone was going through when they lost a loved one I can say that I really didn’t get it, until now.

My heart ached and I cried for/with them, I wanted to hug them and take the sad away, but I couldn’t and I couldn’t relate enough to really know what to do.

Like, how I avoided talking about my brother with my parents after he passed. I would avoid talking about him for fear of making them sad. And I think I let myself feel so sad for my parents that I rarely thought about how sad I was. Maybe it was my way of avoiding grieving him.

And only now, I understand, avoiding talking about my brother wasn’t stopping my parents from being sad. They were already sad AND I wasn’t giving them a chance to talk about it or to talk about him.

Just like my dad is now in mine, I’m sure my brother has been in their thoughts EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I lost my father last month and now I have a more intimate understanding of what it has been like for all those who have lost before me.

I remember after an employee of mine lost her mother she said how there were days that she just wanted to walk up to people to tell them that her mom died. She just wanted people to know. I totally get it, now.

The week that my dad died, I wanted to go to our local dinner spots, to have our favorites, and to tell the people who worked there that he passed. I think I wanted company, compassion but more importantly, I wanted to hear people express what a great guy he was. I wanted to hear that other people would notice he was gone. I wanted to know that his life made a difference in this world and that he mattered.

All the stupid shit that we think matters: the bills, the things, the jobs, the arguments won or the arguments lost - That isn’t the stuff that matters at all, is it? That stupid shit takes us away from everything that DOES matter though.

What do I think really matters?

Connection: Connect to things outside of yourself. Connect to kindness, connect to nature, connect to animals, connect to all the things in the world that you can, and know that we are all connected.

Enjoying Living (every part of it): Getting out of your own way. Stop trying to “figure it out” with your ego. Savoring the experiences life offers you, enjoy the moments in between the "important” moments. Enjoying the whole journey.

Making An Impact: Being present. As we are ALL in this together, when you set your intention to contribute in the form of thoughts, words, and actions. Laying under the stars, realizing how small we are and how big we are at the same time, and then doing something about it.

I had a big awareness while I was sitting by my father’s side, a few days before he passed. I realized all of my opinions, my human self-centeredness, my pre-occupation with the stressful stuff about life, were actually blocks to how much love I was able to give (and in turn able to receive and experience for myself). While I was so busy being “right” about things, it took my attention away from being present.

It breaks my heart to think of all of the moments I have lost because I wasn’t present and I was too busy in my own head, my own world, to love him fully, patiently, and compassionately.

For that, I have so much remorse -

I’ve almost gone through half a box of tissues while writing this.

I was so wrapped up in the stupid shit that means absolutely NOTHING in the big picture that my father didn’t get all the love I wish I had shared with him. And I have to live with that.

All I can do now is to be sure that when I am unfortunately in the same position, losing someone else I care so deeply about, that I won’t have the same kinds of regrets. That I will continue to work on being present and compassionate.

I share this because my biggest wish and my intention of sharing all of this with you is to invite you to pause and reflect on if you feel you would have these same types of regrets I am dealing with if you lost someone close to you. If so, now you can reprioritize things while you still have the chance.

With the tools I have acquired over the years and now my first-hand experience, I am here to offer support. Let me know what kind you could use. I’d love to help enhance your experience in this life.

♡Heather