I've been coaching for years now, and one of the things I've learned - both for me and for my clients - is that confidence is HUGE.
There are all kinds of strategies, ways of thinking, patterns of behavior, and practical tips for improving your life and feeling better about yourself, but they're all redundant if the foundation isn't there.
That foundation is the real you, the you that you know deep down you are. The trick is that it takes confidence to find that and to bring out who you are – here are the three keys to real inner confidence.
1. Get To Know Your Values
Personal values are a big passion of mine and I can get carried away when I talk about them. I think it is important since I don’t think they are discussed as much as they should be. They’re one of the most important things you can know about yourself and are vital in getting genuine inner confidence and guidance.
Your values are so deep down inside you, right at the very core of who you are; and they’re the building blocks, the foundations, and cornerstones for you. A value is something in yourself, in others, or in the world that’s most important to you, and could include things like beliefs, progress, family, fun, nature, achievement, or freedom. And when you are not living by them, anxiety and depression can kick in.
Why is it that some people and situations leave you feeling angry, frustrated, demotivated, or deflated? Often it’s because one or more of your values are being challenged, denied, suppressed, or repressed – and we experience that as a negative experience because it’s denying a fundamental piece of who you are.
You know those times when you’ve felt really alive, amazing, or inspired? Those are often the times when one or more of your values are being honored, and you can get more of that by living according to them.
Your values are all yours, and no matter what happens, no one can ever take them away AND no one but you should decide what they are.
Once you are clear on them you can have absolute confidence you will live a fulfilled life when you honor them in every choice you make. When you get to know your values, you can start to make choices and align your life around them. It’s so simple and it feels amazing because all that really means is that you’re allowing who you are to live in the real world.
2. Exercise the Muscle
Confidence is a muscle, and like any muscle, you need to exercise it so that it doesn’t shrink and waste away. The problem is that unlike your biceps or glutes, which tend to stay in the same place, your confidence muscle can be harder to find. How do you develop your biceps or firm up your glutes?
By doing exercises that are designed to work that muscle over a period of time until you see the results you were looking for.
It’s just the same with confidence. Let’s say that you’re the kind of person that doesn’t take many risks, the kind of person who goes through each day doing what needs to be done and doing it well, but not really stretching yourself.
You might talk yourself out of doing something because it’s too scary or because you think to yourself ‘I’m not good enough,’ ‘that’s not who I am’ or ‘I don’t really want it anyway.’ That kind of person lives within what they know and what keeps them safe and comfortable. The fewer risks they take, the less confident they need to be and so the less confident they become.
To work your confidence muscle you need to be prepared to take risks – big or small. You need to be willing to stretch yourself in an unfamiliar direction, to try something new or try something in a slightly different way.
You may want to open yourself up to the possibilities around you and push yourself to increase what you know, what you do, and who you are.
The more open you are to risk, opportunity, and possibility the more confident you need to be, and so the more confidence you’ll develop. That’s your confidence muscle – the question is, what are you going to do to exercise it?"
3. Keep Your Word
This one is one of the most effective ways to increase your confidence. This means doing what you say and saying what you mean, not just with others but for yourself too. Keeping your word enhances trust and trust in yourself and is a solid way to increase your confidence.
This may sound simple and it can prove to be very challenging.
How many times have you said, I’ll put that laundry away this morning, which changes to tonight which bleeds over to tomorrow?
These little lies we tell ourselves stop the ability to believe what we say and trust is compromised. This can also trigger the inner critic, who definitely does a number on one’s confidence. Give it less reason to speak up. Keep your word to yourself and others and see how your self-opinion improves ♡
Which of these three feels most relevant for you? I’d love to hear.